My title is from a movie, when I heard that quote it struck me. Not a single person knows how much darkness is living inside me. Pretty girl is what they call me from looking at me on the outside. Would if they could see inside, I wonder what they would call me then. My darkness is deep down & tends to come out when I get angry. My darkness is a different personality, shes stale face. Sometimes I wish she would control me all the time because she is strong. When i’m mad she whispers ” lets go outside & just walk and not come back”. I’m like a child listening to my mom who happens to be myself. I will get my stuff together and prepare to start my journey. She wants me to start over because she believes its so easy but its not. Where will I live, where will I work, how will I eat… so many questions flood through out my mind. We both agree that we want to be alone and free knowing it may not be safe. I just want to be happy and carefree. My darkness isn’t evil but its dark, she doesn’t want anyone around me. She knows what I deserve but shes never around when I really need her. She only talks when im in a bad mood. I just pray for better days & wait for this chapter in my life to end. What chapter is the one when Im truly happy & looking back at this in disgust. One day I know it will come, Ill be a pretty girl inside & out.
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Dancing W| A Demon
What do you think a demon looks like ? Ill tell you, hes gonna look like everything you’ve thought you wanted. I make love to a demon just about every night. His eyes are so dark but yet something you never wanna take your eyes off. His temper flicks on like a bic starting a flame. From a distance its intriguing but what about when it gets to trying to put his fire on you. His words sting like a sharp knife & his tone gives me chills. He told me I shouldnt be afraid, if he tells me to leave DONT & can even almost cry if your foot is out the door. When he leaves I stare out the screen door looking out into the world. I want to run …. run and not look back. I know he wont find me because I don’t even know where I’m going. So i just sit & listen to my thoughts run wild. My thoughts tell me this isnt your husband, how can he treat something so beautiful so ugly, I hope he never comes back & when he does I just want him to leave. When he returns he gives me kisses all over, from my forehead to my chin. I smile just to keep him from getting upset, to keep things cordial. Inside I dont give a fuck, fuck this motherfucker. I must leave, ive gotta find a way before im trapped forever. Looking into his eyes I see darkness, a heartless motherfucker. One day I will leave & when I do I wont look back. Ill never dance with a demon again, something i never want to experience again. One day Ill look back & say i overcome this & hug myself for being so strong.
Reticent Pulchritudinous Woman 